1. When you look at your dog’s face, you want to cover it in kisses.
And you tell your boss this. And your boss hates dogs.
2. You sing songs to your dog
E.g. “How much is that doggy in the window?”. And you teach your dog to bark back, so you can do a cute ‘doggy duet’. Your friends do not think this is cute. Especially because your dog just sits there, whilst you’re like “I SWEAR! Last time, he was singing back to me and dancing! Are you kidding me, he can do the friggin moonwalk! Hang on, just let me try again…”
3. You talk to your dog when you walk it.
And not ‘Charlie, heel’, but ‘Charlie, you’re a good boy! Are you a good boy? Yes, you are!! Charlie, what’s that? Is that a bird? Wooooh! It’s a bird, are you excited?’ Your neighbours think you’re strange, but pleasant enough.
4. You teach your dog to walk on your back…
So you can get a doggy massage.
5. You buy a $100 Mason Pearson brush…
So you can brush your golden retriever’s hair. Meanwhile your own hair has not seen a brush in years.
6. You say strange things to your husband and he doesn’t bat an eye-lid:
Like, ‘Can you get the scissors, I have to cut the poo off Hannah’s bum-hairs’ (I can tell you, that’s a major mood-killer :)). And ‘Can you please buy some Oil of Olay, Hannah’s paws are a little dry.’ And, the always-charming, ‘why can’t you be more like a dog’.
7. When people ask you what you’d save if your house was burning…
You say “Charlie’s collar from when he was a puppy. Oh, and our wedding pictures.”
Are you a crazy dog person? What sort of things do you do that make people roll their eyes?